Regret is the domineer. It is a powerful force, it commands my life. I honestly wonder why? What compels me to do stupid stuff?
My theory is hedonism. I love watching videos, playing games, and hoping to edit stuff. I was told today that when I was a kid my dad told my mom or me or both of us that I would "only focus on stuff I would like to do." Few days ago, I was told I like to shoot myself in the foot. Not literally. I can't get a gun, and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot. What a steep hospital build and a great time of agony that would be.
Back to the point, I end up getting distracted. And honestly, with a mix of Christian principles, closer to Puritan ethics, I end up trapping myself in an impossible set of standards. I have no idea what to believe in, I betrayed my closest ally out of ego and wanting to be accepted. So then what?
So then I throw myself back to my old idols. Lately, I've been returning to CGR for entertainment. That's a lot of fun, and I hope to go to Pittsburgh some day to meet Mark Bussler. I love the guy. He's funny, he seems happy everytime, he's successful (moderately), with a wife and a dog. Man, can't beat him.
Anyway, this distraction thing has lead me stay up late nights finishing my work, even as early as elementary school.
I hate lying. I lie out of fear of reputation- but what is the point of lying when there is no status that is really worth gaining in the world? Ugh. I would love to tell the truth. Do you work for that character or do you just have to realize it? I have lied often about doing my work. I have lied that I was listening when clearly I was not. I mean, seems minor, but come on, a lie in and of itself is BAD. It destroys trust, and that is not good whatsoever.
Those my two main regrets. Anyway, in the future, on my Youtube channel, I plan on making a few game reviews of games I own and post it on YT. Also on YT I will post stop motions for stuff like Transformers and all that.
Where's Minions?
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